So, Deadline Day tomorrow, on what has been the most teeth-gnashingest, hand-wringingest, f-bombingest transfer windows to date for the Arsenal faithful. There was a month of our lives we’ll never get back where we were in for Suarez, in which Liverpool somehow found that a £40 million plus £1 bid to be trolling them (which, in all honesty, it probably was).
There were confirmed bids for Higuain (who went to Napoli when Real Madrid realized they had a striker in a market where strikers were going for nearly twice their valuation in any other year), Lars Bender (who Bayer Leverkusen couldn’t lose when they sold Schurrle to Chelsea as part of Chelsea’s quest to amass enough midfielders to play a 1-8-1), Luis Gustavo (who opted for Wolfsburg instead, which means that he values first-team football over nightlife and culture), and Clement Grenier (who apparently will stay at Lyon even though they won’t get Champions League football because they were paired against Real Sociedad in qualifiers and were victims of completely insane goals worth watching again and again).
There were also rumored bids or some level of interest for Bernard (or, as a contributor to The Short Fuse called him, “Nard Dog,”), Julio Cesar, Ashley Williams, Michu, Wayne Rooney, Erik Lamela, Geoffrey Kondogbia, Etienne Capoue, and assorted other players who either publicly pledged to their current teams or were woefully underbid for, causing embarrassment to everyone involved. Arsenal fans pined for a goalie to push Szcz, a real CDM, a “world-class” striker (before realizing that they might actually have this with Giroud), and depth for injuries (which of course hit the team right away, badly, dramatically).
But there’s hope that this transfer window will bring more than Yaya Sanogo (a 20-year-old French striker in on a free from Auxerre, which is basically like an Onion story about Arsene Wenger’s transfer policies come to life) and Mathieu Flamini (also in on a free, coming back to Arsenal for a second go-around). Mesut Özil, one of the best playmakers in the world, is rumored to be coming to Arsenal days after pledging his allegience to Real Madrid (but then being benched as Real prepared for Gareth Bale’s we’re-not-overpaying-him-at-all arrival), and there are other enticing possibilities in the last day of the window that — if they come to fruition — will be so awesome that Arsene’s “Baby, please, just one more chance” plea with Arsenal fans will be heard and met with metaphorical (we’ll assume) affection.
Given that this is happening on the same day that Arsenal beat its hated rivals 1-0 in the season’s first North London Derby, in a game where Olivier Giroud scored his third EPL goal of the season (giving him a goal a game), in a game where Kyle Walker’s assclown finishing ensured that Arsenal would get the three points, in a game where Spurs saw its open-field goal drought expand to three games, on the day that it was revealed that Heart-Hands was indeed moving from White Hart Lane to the Bernabau (though Real officials had to dismantle the stage they were building to welcome Heart-Hands to Spain) . . . it’s a cross between Christmas and the day your ex breaks up with the (expletive of your choice) s/he left you for.
Because it’s the transfer window, and it’s Arsenal, things could go horribly, horribly wrong in the last day, but given that we’re liking this to Santa coming, no one would dare shoot Santa with a harpoon, would they?
- Phil West, who still wants a CDM in his stocking